My current band has had what I think are several radio-worthy tracks for a couple of years and I still haven’t sent a CD into the local radio station. Why? Sure, we’ve just been distributing the tracks online and don’t have an actual CD yet, but even the Amish know how to burn a CD these days. (Actually, I don’t know that, but wikipedia tells me that the Amish actually aren’t quite the luddites we usually assume they are, so I’m betting I could find at least one.) And I’ve bugged plenty of radio station folks in my last band, eventually getting radio play for tracks that I think are far less worthy than these. So what’s the hang up?
It’s hard to explain it to someone who hasn’t done the whole self promotion thing for years, but those of you who have, successful or not, have got to agree that it sucks. If I could scrub toilet bowls in exchange for someone spending the equivalent amount of time promoting me, I’d say, “Sign me up!” And I think I might have to fight more than a few other struggling artists for the privilege.
What’s so bad about it? Do I not believe in myself enough? Not enough self confidence? Well, not really. I’ve seen many a band make it with less talent. And I’ve seen many musicians more talented than me not going anywhere either. Call it low confidence if you will, but there’s more than a little luck involved… and obviously being able to promote yourself can swing the odds in your favor.
Well, the thing is, I just don’t know how to do it without looking like an asshole. Who out there has had to write up a press kit bio for themselves? Does a part of you not cringe at all of the accolades you bestow upon yourself? “I’m really not that vain, but I know anyone who knows me will think I am if they knew I wrote this!” Or the infamous query letter that attempts to convince a publisher that I’m the next Steinbeck. After all, they’d say, why should they waste their time with a mediocre writer?
The artists that I really look up to are the ones who think they’re not that great, the ones who are still trying to live up to their idols. I can’t imagine one of these folks promoting themselves in the way that conventional wisdom seems to suggest. I have a secret suspicion that any humble artist who makes it does so because someone else gets tired of them not promoting themselves and decides to do it for them. Because if you really think you’re the hot shit that people who are going to give you those lucky breaks want to believe you are… then you’re probably just an asshole.
And if you really care about what you’re doing, the last thing you want to do is feel like an asshole about it.
I’ve always been rather serious about art. It’s more about obsession than fun and it often carries the burden and the zeal of a religion. There’s this notion that all the mistakes I’ve ever made, anything I might consider foolish or shameful, is somehow made right by creating something that transcends myself – something that somehow taps into the universal and eternal. I love the way art can turn ugliness into beauty and bring order to what can seem so cruel and random. The flip side of this is a constant dissatisfaction with whatever I create and a feeling of almost frantic discomfort when I don’t feel I’ve created enough.
